Intro: Why This Article Exists
Most workplace frustrations for ALTs have cultural roots. There’s usually no malice involved, just differing cultural assumptions leading to misunderstood intentions.
Things that feel insulting, condescending, or intrusive are rarely meant that way. The number of Japanese people who both know these behaviors bother foreigners and intentionally do them anyway is incredibly small.
Most Japanese people either don’t realize the behavior is annoying, or default to deeply ingrained cultural habits without thinking about it. The annoyance is no more intentional than the things you do that annoy them!
Understanding why these behaviors happen makes them much easier to navigate, and often deepens your understanding of Japanese culture itself.
You don’t have to love these behaviors. But understanding them will serve you far better than fighting them.
1. “Do You Need a Fork?” (After You’ve Lived in Japan Forever)
Ah yes, the infamous fork question.
You’re sitting at a formal dinner with coworkers you’ve known for three years. They’ve seen you eat with chopsticks countless times. They’ve even complimented your chopstick skills. And yet they ask, “Do you need a fork?”
What it looks like
- Being offered Western cutlery for Japanese food
- Coworkers explaining basic things anyone living in Japan would already know
- Overly careful “foreign handling”
Why they do it
Japanese cultural concept: おもてなし/Omotenashi (hospitality that anticipates needs)
For many Japanese people, foreigners are guests, even foreigners who have lived in Japan for decades. And guests must be treated with care, sincerity, and attention to detail. That includes anticipating needs before they’re expressed.
They’re not questioning your competence. They know you can use chopsticks. They’re trying to be good hosts by offering you everything you could possibly need.
How to handle it
Smile, thank them, and accept the fork. Even if you continue using chopsticks.
Receiving the gesture as it’s intended reassures them that they’ve done their job properly. Declining too firmly can feel like rejecting their hospitality, which (at an emotional level) reads as “You misread me. You failed as a host.”
That may not be how you mean it, but that’s often how it lands.
2. Getting Upset When You Correct Their English
Many coworkers actively seek your help with English. They want you to correct their grammar, help their pronunciation, and all around be a English teaching resource. Others… very much do not. This comes up most often with JTEs, but it’s not limited to them.
What it looks like
- Defensive or embarrassed reactions
- Polite acceptance followed by emotional distance
- Coworkers avoiding English around you afterward
Why they do it
Japanese cultural concepts: 面子/Mentsu (face) and 間接/Kansetsu (indirectness)
For many people, language ability is tied to professional or personal pride. Being corrected (especially unexpectedly or publicly) can feel like a loss of face. This is particularly sensitive for JTEs, whose professional identity is tied to English competence.
This is also why you rarely receive direct feedback on your Japanese beyond “nihongo jōzu” (“your Japanese is so good”). Honest correction carries social risk, so it’s often avoided entirely.
You want direct feedback because it’s efficient. Your coworkers want indirect feedback because it’s safer.
How to handle it
- Correct indirectly
If your coworker says: “I likes cats and dogs.”
Don’t say: “That’s wrong. It’s ‘I like cats and dogs.’”
Instead say: “Oh, you like cats and dogs? I like cats and dogs too.”
- Frame it as a suggestion
JTE: “I want to go to the America.”
You: “Okay! You could also say ‘I want to go to America’ or ‘I want to go to the USA.’”
- Use regional framing
Student: “ALT sensei, JTE sensei said ‘Do you want to go to park?’ That’s wrong!”
ALT: “Oh, is that British English or Australian English? In America, we say ‘Do you want to go to the park?’”
JTE: “Ah yes, I think that’s British English.”
ALT: “Great! Yeah, I always say ‘Do you want to go to the park.’ Let’s practice it that way.”
Subtlety works better than precision here.
3. Asking About Your Age, Marital Status, Weight, etc.
Kids asking personal questions is expected. Adults doing it can feel… unsettling.
What it looks like
- “How old are you?”
- “Are you married?”
- “Do you have kids?”
- “How much do you weigh?”
Why they do it
Japanese cultural concepts: 和/Wa (harmony) and 上下関係/Jōge Kankei (vertical hierarchy)
Maintaining harmony requires knowing how people relate to each other. Age, marital status, and family situation all affect expectations, politeness levels, and social obligations.
These topics aren’t taboo in Japan because not knowing them creates social friction. Even weight and appearance (while not always welcomed) are not treated as private information in the same way they are in the West.
How to handle it
This is, bluntly, an issue where you need to adapt.
Explaining that these questions are inappropriate in your home country rarely makes intuitive sense to your coworkers. Getting angry or confrontational may stop the questions, but it will also damage relationships.
The most effective internal framing is understanding it as curiosity, not rudeness. They’re placing you into a social framework, not attacking you.
One workable approach is to answer briefly, then mention (casually) that such questions would be considered personal and inappropriate in your home country. This creates awareness without direct confrontation.
Of course, even if your colleagues come to understand you don’t appreciate these questions, they may not be able to stop asking. Your discomfort does not mean your colleagues can ignore their cultural need to fit you in the social hierarchy. Your best case scenario is that they will become more delicate in asking!
4. Complimenting You for Extremely Basic Japanese
“Nihongo jōzu! Your Japanese is so good!”
You’re pretty sure you just said “hello” in Japanese. Why are they acting like you’re juggling chainsaws?
What it looks like
- Over-the-top praise for basic phrases
- Getting nihongo jōzued even when you made a mistake
- Praise immediately followed by switching to English
Why they do it
Japanese cultural concepts: 面子/Mentsu (face) and 間接/Kansetsu (indirectness)
This combines face-saving, indirectness, and a genuine assumption that foreigners don’t speak Japanese.
Japan is not historically an immigrant society, and the majority of foreigners who come to Japan do not speak the language. Your coworkers may be genuinely surprised and impressed if you’re able to have a basic conversation. It doesn’t mean you’re “amazing” in the sense of fluent, it means you’re “amazing” compared to the average foreign person.
Honest assessment of your Japanese ability has no social utility, so it’s not done – particularly if your Japanese is subpar. If your Japanese is unclear, your colleagues will switch to English to handle the problem indirectly without causing you embarrassment.
How to handle it
Accept it. Smile. Move on.
If you want real feedback, get it from a tutor or language school. Those are contexts where correction is expected and welcome. Seeking it from coworkers and friends puts them in an awkward position where they feel pressured to praise you.
5. Smiling While Saying Something That Sounds Harsh
This one can be genuinely jarring. You thought you were doing a great job, but your JTE pulls you aside and starts picking you apart. Turns out you’ve been doing everything wrong and breaking 18 different school rules. Worst (and most confusingly), they’re saying all of this with a smile.
What’s happening?
What it looks like
- Serious criticism delivered with a smile
- Problems addressed only when they’ve become severe
- Rules you didn’t realize you were breaking
Why they do it
Japanese cultural concepts: 苦笑/Kushō (forced smile) and 恥/Haji (shame)
In a culture where indirect communication is the norm, direct criticism is embarrassing for both parties. A forced smile often appears when someone is deeply uncomfortable but has no choice but to address the issue.
They’re not mocking you. They’re trying to manage their own discomfort. It’s not just that you did something wrong, it’s that you ignored all of their hints (body language, tone of voice, veiled references, “helpful suggestions”) that you were doing something wrong.
It’s your first time hearing about it. It’s their 28th time trying to tell you about it.
How to handle it
Start by recognizing the emotional weight of the moment. Regardless of whether the criticism is fair, the person confronting you feels under significant pressure.
The mostly likely situation is that you have done something that violates an unwritten rule and your colleague is in the right from a Japanese cultural perspective.
That means you should:
- Smile
- Apologize for the behavior
- Apologize for not realizing it was a problem
- Smile and apologize again when they say that it’s not a big deal (it totally is)
Avoid explanations or defenses. Those can come later if they’re needed at all. More likely your colleague no longer cares about the why, they just need the issue to be resolved. They want the conversation to take as little time as possible because every second of it is miserable.
Of course, it’s entirely possible that your colleague is wrong about the rules, a complete nut job or a even bully, even from the Japanese cultural perspective. Japan has plenty of people who like to make up rules, get overly sensitive about trivial issues, or plain love throwing their weight around.
However, even when pushback is appropriate, starting from apology and acknowledgment positions you as reasonable rather than defensive. It’s harder for them to dismiss you as the crazy foreigner who doesn’t get it if you start the conversation there.
Closing: Pick Your Battles
Because these behaviors are culturally driven, they will never fully stop.
You can take some comfort in the fact that they are almost never personal. It’s not malice, it’s cultural assumptions clashing.
Wasting energy trying to deprogram Japanese people in their own country will absolutely backfire. The attempt will only isolate you from your colleagues. Once you start to get the feel for how the culture works, you’ll start to learn when to push back and how to do it effectively.
You don’t have to like these behaviors. But understanding them can save your sanity.
What to Read Next
JTE Collaboration
How working relationships shape daily life in schools.
Life in the Japanese Workplace
Understanding hierarchy, visibility, and expectations.
When to Use Japanese (And When Not To)
Navigating language choices without causing friction.
Want to become an ALT? The process from preparation to application to packing for Japan are covered in detail in So You Want to Be an ALT.
ALT Roadmap 